It happens to everyone at some point.  We have no control over an inevitable rejection.  We can do everything in our power to submit well-crafted application materials, interview flawlessly, and use our network to try to leverage an offer.  Even with all of that, sometimes the offer falls through.  There are so many reasons the offer may not materialize: there may have been an internal candidate, the employer may have decided not to hire someone for that role after all, or maybe there was another candidate with experience or personal connections that was just impossible to outshine.  Knowing this doesn’t take away the sting of rejection.  But there are a few things we can do to move forward and position ourselves well to lock down the next opportunity.

First, and most important, is to check the facts.  Far too many people, especially women who experience imposter syndrome, take this kind of news as a reflection on their value as a human being.  There are so many reasons why a rejection has nothing to do with your worth, but in the moment of dealing with the emotion of it, it’s hard to have objectivity.  It can feel impossible to see yourself for the professional you are and put in perspective all of the accomplishments you’ve already achieved in your career.  But in order to move forward, you have to.  As a start, look at statistics of how many people in this country even get a college degree in the first place, let alone a graduate or professional degree, and you’ll soon see that you’re in a position of relative privilege and accomplishment.   

Secondly, for so many people, the natural response to this really uncomfortable feeling is to want to run and never feel it again.  They vow to take a break from applying or stop looking altogether.  Sometimes I hear people say, “I’ll start searching again fresh after the new year.”  They settle into the toxic position they were seeking to get away from, where they are likely overworked, undervalued, and underpaid.  But they weigh this kind of discomfort as preferable to the pain of rejection.

While this response is understandable, it can be dangerously limiting for your career advancement.  While it may feel counterintuitive, what is often most healing is to start sending out even more applications and ramp up outreach to your network.  Having more irons in the fire can dull the sting of a single rejection.  When we have all of our hopes riding on a single potential opportunity, it builds pressure and expectations that lead to more pain in the face of a setback.  Having more applications in the ether or interviews lined up can help you refocus your energy away from the pain and frustration of the immediate rejection.  Not only is it advantageous for your emotional health in the job search process, it may also provide you leverage during the negotiations process when you do receive an offer. 

As a coach, I’ve worked with a lot of women who have found incredible next roles offering higher salaries, better benefits, and improved opportunities for career advancement.  I’ve helped women through the initial sting of rejection to position themselves and lock down better offers with more impressive employers down the line.  The one characteristic that distinguishes those who are able to find and secure an impressive new job offer is not luck, specific work experience, or academic or professional achievement—it’s simply resilience.  But resilience isn’t something that’s innate.  It can be a choice that we make in the face of a setback.  Even if it’s not a path we’ve chosen in the past, it’s never too late to try a new tack.

I was inspired to write this post by a week filled with a trio of wins for clients.  Three of my clients secured job offers for between $10,000 and $40,000 more than their current salaries, with better benefits, and better work cultures.  All three had come to me frustrated by a job search that felt doomed to failure.  All three dealt with rejection while we were working together.  But all three persevered, increased their networking, and submitted more applications.  Sometimes it takes time, but combining resilience and persistence is a formula for success.